How do you know when a marriage is really over? For some people,
it isn’t until they’ve hired the divorce lawyer and are drawing up the papers, but others may discover the reality much earlier on. It is important to ask yourself if you’ve done everything you can before committing to a legal separation. Filing the papers isn’t difficult for most couples, but realizing that you’ve made a mistake can be devastating and irrevocable. Before you make the commitment, investigate all options available to you such as counseling and mediation, if you have a willing partner.
Many couples try counseling to work through their problems. A qualified therapist or psychologist presides over weekly sessions in an effort to open communications and find solutions to any problems that are present in the relationship. In some cases, each individual will then seek solo-therapy sessions for further assistance. There is no magic number for how long couples will require counseling, and some professionals will tell you that such mediation should be a long-term and ongoing component of marriage. However, marriage counseling is about making progress and learning to compromise. If no headway is being made, the process might not be effective.
Some couples choose marital mediation in favor of counseling. Mediation is more formal and oriented towards finding workable solutions to specific problems such as finances or parenting. While mediators are trained in psychology, emotions aren’t dealt with as in-depth as they might be during counseling sessions. If a couple’s problems lie in disputes over concrete issues that simply require compromise, such as how money is being used or how household responsibilities are delegated, mediation can be a helpful alternative and greatly strengthen a couple’s bond.
Informal separation is often seen as the beginning of the end, but it can also bring some couples closer together. When discussing the possibility, it is important to create individual space to truly experience being away from your partner for an extended period. This allows for self-reflection as well as deeper insight into your feelings about the future of the relationship. It is important to remain respectful of the marriage, which means setting and following clearly understood rules such as no sexual contact with another person, using mutual funds without permission or whatever else works for your situation. A trial separation also requires a significant period of time. In some cases over the course of a few weeks or months communication will gradually reopen, or else each partner might drift further apart, solidifying that the end is imminent. It’s generally around this time that one or the other will seek the aid of a divorce lawyer to start the process.
Ending a marriage is not a quick solution to a bad situation, as many people would like to believe. There are expenses, dividing up of assets, securing child support or alimony, and organizing visitation rights. You’ll also have to consider divorce lawyer fees if a bitter legal argument evolves. Before seeking an attorney, be sure that you have explored all avenues of reconciliation. Most couples only get one chance. miam mediation